On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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