were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
