Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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