Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
