Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
