my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
COCAINE IS GR8
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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