I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
