good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
