Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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