y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
