This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
