im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
