i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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