Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
