Where is the hickey?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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