so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
