We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
