if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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