also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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