Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
