Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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