i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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