if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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