i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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