Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
