also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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