I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
