Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
