Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
