paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Enjoy the penises
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize