Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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