just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
