you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
