so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
