I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
