he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
