The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
