my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
