I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
