you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
