I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
