I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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