Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
