At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
