Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
