Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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