Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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