It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
