Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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