pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
