whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
