we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
