i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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