I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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