I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
