You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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