"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
