listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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