Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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