i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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