after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am available for nakedness
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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