I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
