Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
