UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
