I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
