he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
