Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
