New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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