Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
