I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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