yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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