No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
