Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
